Many partners of sex addicts experience a form of complex PTSD called partner betrayal trauma.
This includes both shock trauma and attachment-based, relational trauma.
Did you, or do you, feel disconnected, numb, or in disbelief about the betrayal for some
time after discovery.
Do you feel like your marriage, your life, your future, even your perception of what is
real, been shattered? Perhaps even as if the person you were before is gone forever?
Are you hyperaware of things in the environment that might trigger reminders for you?
Suspect or know about the use of hook up apps?
Hyperalert to your spouse’s reaction to potential triggers?
Do you avoid activities, places, memories, or other reminders of the betrayal?
Do you ask frequent and repetitive questions to try to make sense of what has happened?
Have unaccountable spending or time, including time alone in your home?
Do you set truth traps by asking questions you already know the answer to discern if s/he is
still lying?
Do you frequently wonder if you should stay or go?
Do you have flashbacks of what you discovered?
Do you have daymares or flash forwards of what you fear will happen in the future?
Do you have intrusive thoughts about the betrayal that robs you of your peace?
Has your concentration been hijacked so that you are dropping balls at home or work? Do you
feel like the burden is on you to hold the family together and feel overwhelmed with the
task?
Do you feel like you have to construct the perfectly phrased question, asked over and over,
at the exact right time before your spouse will give you a little bit of truth?
Feel like a porn widow?
Have you heard the phrase, “I promise you, this time it is the truth …? Now you know it all”
dozens of times as distorted and partial truth trickles out?
Do you sometimes blame yourself for being ‘not enough’ or ‘too much’? Do you ever think,
“How could I have been so stupid or naïve”?
Does it interfere with or take time from relationships with your children, your co-workers,
and/or other friends or family members?
If you answer yes to a number of these questions, then your spirit has been negatively
affected by pornography and sex addiction, and you can benefit from a betrayal trauma
approach to your recovery.